The Untold Truth

2011, has been quite a weird year. I don't know whether to feel weird by it or relieved. My dad got out of rehab, and everything has changed. I've spent many paychecks on marijuana. I've smoked so many times with my brothers now, and whenever we get free time, that's the first assumpumtion to do.


In May, my mom had surgery and I joked about getting some medicinal marijuana for her pain while I drove her to her appointment. I don't know if it was the anesthesia, but she agreed. Once we got home, Jon and Eric had it ready. We didn't have to hide it anymore. If we wanted to smoke, we could. Before our parents knew, we would always sneak out on the roof after they went to bed. We would only have one or two bowls out of a tiny concert pipe. Smoke a cigarette, then went straight to bed. Since then, we increased our intake to four or more bowls. Our collection of pipes has multiplied. They all serve a different purpose according to my brothers. Jon has the "Tentacle", which is shaped like an octopus tentacle. It holds a nice hefty size bowl, and isn't very harsh. He also has his tiny glass concert pipe. More for a straight to the head buzz and secrecy. I'm unsure of it's name. Eric has three pipes and a bong. His pipes are all harsh. I wake up the next day with a horrible sore throat, I never choose his pipes. His bong on the other hand, is smooth. It takes a pretty good size nug to pass it around a couple times. I got my pipe on my birthday. I call it "Ocean Profusion", because it has blue swirls and glitter much like the ocean. It's beautiful. It doesn't hold much though unlike the "Tentacle", but I don't need much to get stoned.


My brothers tell me that marijuana was made to enhance our lives to a more better, happier life. Every plant holds its purpose. Sounds like a bunch of hippie talk to me. It is organic, and takes a lot of TLC to produce high quality bud. It makes you forget your worries, and just live for the time being. Which makes me wonder, if God really made it for a purpose, then it would be the same about shrooms and peyote. That's why no one has heard of anyone overdosing on these organic plants. There's a reason for everything.

The Only exception

The story with Jessy is complicated...
Whenever I'm with him, I still get those butterflies like when I was always with him. But it's different. I'm over the sad part that we broke up.

I'm listening to this song in the dark, trying to dream of Jessy as I fall asleep. And I was picturing him and getting a montaige of all his quirky smiles and his big green eyes. All the quirks I love, trying to spark emotion. A tear or two, but nothing. Not because I didn't care, it's because it wasn't time yet. I'm half way fallen in love. Right between heaven and earth. Come with me, take my hand. We'll go to the skies. Float on clouds. I'll take you away. haha. Anthem Trance. :D

This shall be good, I never told you.
Nah, This is Christian's song.....
Even though, Christian is really good in bed and sexy as hell!! I know I'm not the one for him.
Aw, Swing life away... His favorite song.
Then again, He's really smart and has his redneck tendencies, that makes me feel like home :)
Oh my gosh, It's almost 5am... hahaha
One more song memory.
Polygraph, Right now.
All my Life.

Anyways. as i was saying... Jessy and I both agree that we still love each other, but more like a caring love not a in love. That we both would have to work to fall back in love. He's not sure if it's worth the effort of work. I don't see what he's afraid of though. I'm ready whenever he is ready. I wouldn't have planned the wedding if i wasn't serious.

Being the one the forks in his road, makes me feel slightly empty. I don't know what to do. I just can't wait til he decides which fork he wants to take. Yet, I don't want to make myself unavailable if he needs me. For a ride, a cig, anything. I'm here for him. I bought a pack right before I saw him when he asked for a cigarette and always try to give him a couple as I leave.

Complicated.