Gahh...I don't know what to say.

gasp! it's almost bedtime. haha rightt... 

I was really lame today. Woke up around 10am from the sun. Ugh. and basically was in my room all day. on the Internet... hahaha. I'm not addicted. It's just there's nothing better to do. I can't go anywhere. haha. I feel so lameee. 

Next Monday, winter quarter starts in college and one of my classes is stage makeup! I'm so excited! I can't believe that through tout my high school years, drama was considered weird, but when I'm a senior...It seems like everyone is in it. Or maybe I'm just weird like drama ppl and I haven't noticed that I attract the Drama ppl to be my friends. haha. I really wanted to take a drama class too! I just never found time. and since Speech class last spring made me so much more comfortable about talking in general...I think I would be really good at it. I'm hyper all the time. But stage makeup!! OMG! I'm excitedddd!!!  You have no idea. haha 

Tomorrow is new year's eve. ugh.. Family coming over...playing games...It's always the same. and I've already scared off my cousins about coming out. So i'll be alone in a corner. Wahhh. I've tried inviting my friends over, but let's face it who would want to entertain me when they have parties to go to, right? hahah 

This entry is pretty lame. I just had a feeling of writing. I mean typing. Since no one is on. I'm waiting for a reply that's nvrr coming. ugh. I should juust go watch a movie or something.

I'll just be sitting here waiting for my prince charming to show up. 

chump change!

it's all rubbish!!! 

It's official, I've gone temporary insane. 

He'll always have a place in my heart.

Don't you hate when your listening to sad love songs and tons of memories flash in your head and butterflies rush and your throat tightens and you start missing someone. I do it alot. I almost start crying because I miss those moments with them. I'm currently listening to This year's love by David Gray. haha It makes me want to be that girl in The girl next door. the best part of that movie. Who doesn't want to be swept off their feet? i don't want to name names, but I've been thinking a lot lately about this boy I've had a crush for seven years...or more. He lives 200 miles away and confuses me. he likes me, he hates me. ugh.. We met in thing called Demolay. I don't want to get started on what that is. while it was thriving I would get to seem at least 4x a year. I think everyone knew I liked him haha. it was pretty obvious. and there was a few incidents where we were finally alone and got to hold handsss. hahaha. Even this one time I broke the rules and slept in the boys room with him. oh boy were the adults mad. haha. no we didn't do anything. but how I wisheddd. Lol. I was still a virgin so you could imagine what I was thinking. 

Out of the blue, months after this fight we had, he txted me! Now I was all good in my life. you know steady relationship, school was somewhat good. it was all up and up. but no....he had to txt me right then and all those feelings came back to me. I got all smiles and hearts in my eyes..ugh. How can someone make me turn into goo from just saying "Hi"?!?  Now I can't stop thinking about him....I know I'm lame. 

What love makes you do. 

makes you blind

makes you weak

makes you insane

even kills you

it's a powerful thing. 

And I hate it, It feels so good, but always hurts the worst in the end. 

If he only knew how much I care about him, and how much he means to me. That I know that every girl he goes out with, is wrong for him, but in the end I hope he is happy. 

and every relationship i have, something is still missing. 

He'll always have a place in my heart. 

--Jennifer

Finally.

I've finally got the nerve to start my own blog. Woo.... hahaha. I'm just the typical teenage girl. Strives perfection in school, yet has those peer pressures to deal with. some highlights: I went to Disneyland for Christmas :), just recently moved back with my mom. I'm a stubborn seventeen year old. who has four more months of enjoying being a kid. I don't want to grow up. same time I do. 

School: Frustrating. I'm in running start, college in high school. I took FOUR classes last quarter. Plus I'm in Nursing class at Tri-Tech. and I moved to my Dad's and yeah it was ugly. Really horrible grades. Actually failed a class. First time ever! It's really horrible. lol. plus I was late on my senior picture, so it's not in the year book. didn't order my cap and gown, and didn't even start on my graduating project. I tend to procastinate. more than just school. I havn't gotton my license yet. Even tho, I did the classes and have a car. I've nvr had a job. Babysitting doen't count. I'm a failure. I'm not very motivated. 

I'm very lovve crazy. I'm in a relationship right now. I use to see her everyday when I was at my Dad's, now I only get to see her on my mother's terms. Which is pretty much like once a month. oh yes, I'm bi. My mother doesn't approve, but she'll have to get use to it.  Becuz I'm planing on dating more than one girl. Lol. They are just so understanding. and other things. But i rather not say. lol. I hope it doesn't scare off this one boy I will always like, who seems to very opinionated. sigh...

ughh....I have so many things to complain about, but that will be another time. 

so long.