I wanna talk about how bomb I look

haha jk.





So I'm really txtually frustrated. Yes, txtually. I haven't heard from Reece in like days. or even a week. I don't know, I lost count. I've even cmmted him. I mean what the hell!!! I just wanted to know if he likes me or not. DAMN!

Anyone up for a heartbreak?

New status=Single and ready to mingle. hehe

Yeah, I still feel pretty beat up about it, but that's her fault that she doesn't want to be with someone as great as me. There's many many fish in the sea to wasting it on someone who doesn't even feel the same way. Also, I think the love of my life
thinks I'm psychotic since i've txted him on saturday saying that I need to know if he likes me or not, blah blah blah. right. and then again on monday saying will you just give me an answer blah blah blah. So now I don't know what to do. Rachel suggested that he's trying to be not so needy, cuz his ex told him he was. But the very fact is that I love needy ppl. To a point. But if it was the love of my life!! Helloooo. I would want him to be all over me. I don't want to txt him and tell him cuz I've already txted him too much. I hate that ppl start thinking your crazy becuz you just think about someone always, I mean I can't help it...

As I anticipated for that wretched city bus I thought back to a time when I was in love. I would not like to recall what I looked like only because I did not know who I was or what I pursued in, but i did know what i wanted and that was Reece.He stole my heart away that very moment he looked into my eyes. It wasn't out of attraction nor disgust. just as is. His eyes would always remind me of the beautiful spring midday skies. and I think how could someone make someone so beautiful? When he looks at me, for that moment everything seems to be okay, but i know reality is as twisted as my mind. For seven years now I've been in love with him. but does he care? I think he enjoys watching me struggle to get so close just so he can pull away. So many opportunities, and so many chances we had together wasted. I know that all the girls he dates are completely wrong for him, and in each of my relationships something is missing. I wouldn't wish to say that I'd only hope that he was happy in the end, only if the end was with me. I don't understand. He keeps repeating he wants to find that special someone, when in fact that special someone is right in front of him. Unless I'm so worthless that he wouldn't even consider me to be that person.

There's no way to word how perfect is. Even his flaws are perfect. If he had any. He not only stuns me and takes my breath away but whenever he looks my way, says my name, talks to me, does anything involving me I turn into complete slush. I feel really ugly and stupid around him. He's captivating, addicting, and brilliant. So many memories come to mind. One in particular when he begged and begged for me to let this gross guy walk me to the ball but I denied and said that if it was you I would. He asked if he could have the first slow dance. I was ecstatic and impatiently waited for that song. "I do cherish you" finally came on and i looked and looked but he was nowhere to be found. I got swept away by his best friend who was very grabby and his hands kept slipping on purpose. He walked in midsong with a face full of disappointment and so was I. My first slow dance was suppose to be with him and got ruined. Now he's just some guy I slow danced with. But that dance, my dreams came true in the worst way possible. I tripped over his feet and soaked his shirt with my nervous palms. We looked away a lot. Trying to not make things awkward even though they already were. How can something be so embarrassing yet be the best moment in my life.

If I've ever got three wishes, or even one wish. He'd of course be in one. Not saying that I'm completly obsessed over him, because it's not like that at all. The very thought of losing him completely brings tears to my eyes, or even the thought of all this time wasted to find that he doesn't even care about me. Not even a fraction. My three wishes would probably be mainly about him 1. I wish that Reece was a taurus or a virgo. Why? He's aquarius and totally shows it and I completly hate that. 2. I wish that Reece would possibly even consider the fact that it's killing me to wait. 3. I wish I was his special someone.

It's really hard not to go a day without thinking about him or wonder if he's going to text me back. I try to keep busy with other guys passing in and out of my life, but he will always be the last person I'll think about right before I go to sleep.

Okay Okay.

Some Normal Facts:
Name:Jennifer
Birth date:April 26th
Zodiac:Taurus
Eye color:Blue Gray
Hair color:brown
Ht:5'2''
Wt: currently 118
before the holidays:110
Four years ago:135
Lowest it's been:105
Where I want it:108
Birthmarks: cow shaped on my left upper leg, red dot on my bottom right lip.
Freckles: guessing about 25,000!
Boys I Like a lot: Hayden and Reece
Boys I've seen which we only say hi, look my way, smile, or whatnot:Luke, Tien, Izaiah, Marcus, My Ex's brother, can't think...
I have a tiny crush on my best friend, but she's straight. :/

Favorites:
Colors:Bright! and black
Music:techno and screamo/emo
Movies:edward scissorhands, classic chick flicks like 10 things I hate about you, never been kissed, Romy and Michelle's blahblahblah...
Hobbies I suppose:painting, playing the piano horribly, doodling, singing, dancing horribly, cooking, cleaning, knitting, sewing, scrapbooking, photography, modeling, shopping, writing, friends, making out, flirting, giving presentations, beating up ppl, gettin krazy, spinning in circles, blowing bubbles, talking to myself, walking around, acting like I'm 5, hugging, learning about random interesting things

Turn on the light
Blue eyes/green eyes, sweet, cute, dark hair, confident, smart, witty, cleaver, strong at times I mean I hope he can open the jar of pickles for me, dorky..Nerds!

What I don't care for
Potheads, drug addicts includes alcohol, dumbasses, smelly ppl, gross conversations as in shit, farting, anal things..blahblahblah, gangsters, preps, extremely goth, old ppl, creepsters.

Biggest turn on:
Playing the piano very well! I could marry them that instant!!
or the are complete nerd status hahaha
oh godd...I will never forget this gorgeous nerd, but I never got the chance to talk to him...I was on his graduation...but I was too shy at the time. You know the type...Glasses, cute little geeky laugh, sigh...

I'm not big on politics..
Or History.

I love drama and art!
Majoring is Nursing...I know it's an off topic, since I love the arts soo much, but i do like money

<3 Jennifer

Just Friends.

ugh...like i said "he loves me", "he hates me"...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've been crushed again. Not so severe as the last time I've been crushed, but quite significant. For the past three days, I've been controlling him like he wanted and we had a bet going today that whoever touches is the winner's slave. Of course, he lost, but I wasn't in the mood to push him around. So He's like do you want this or not. My biggest fear is that if i say that I don't want to be his Domme that he will stop txting me. I know, I know. Obsessive, but it's true. I mean I would hate to feel that he only started talking to me becuz he had a feeling that I would maybe do anything for him. Which is true. I mean for god sake's I told him to gag himself, take 6 enemas or more, welt himself a bijillion times, and verbally abused him. Which I would never do to anyone. The crazy things you do for love.


So now where am I? Exactly where I started, except now I know the deepest secret anyone could tell. I finally got in the mood to push him around and half way through the punishment, he gave quits. Not becuz of the pain, but becuz he felt so wrong. And I swear I didn't say anything wrong. Now he's broken and I'm crushed. And were just friends.

My god! This brought tears of joy to my eyes!!!

Ok It's difficult to explain. All day I've been talking to the boy that owns my heart. Well The boy that will always have a place in my heart. He revealed a very serious secret. Which mostly you can tell what it is in the next paragraph. Of course, I was freaked out a little by it. But as he has a place I could not deny him and agreed to be his domme. full time. And was aware what that brings. I would have full control of his life, practically. And I have to punish him everytime he doesn't follow my orders, or does something that I didn't tell him to do. The punishments include spanking, whips, nipple clamps, exercising naked, and ass fucking... Well as for a punishment I made him write a 500 word devotion to me. and here it is:

I am devoted fully to My Princess Jennifer. I am not worth to be her slave and am the luckiest animal on this earth to be accepted by her. I am a dirty filthy animal who doesn’t deserve anything. I don’t even deserve a name or a body. She owns my body. The most pathetic part of which is her cock. It is a hairless and pathetic cock that a little boy would be ashamed of. This only demonstrates My Princess’s generosity. I am filth. I do not deserve life. My life is hers. I exist only to please my Princess and to be used as her toy and slave. My dream is to one day be able to please my princess with her cock, but I am not worthy and will not be without devoted service of a ling time. I do pray that she will allow me to use my mouth to please her before that though. I dream of tasting my Princess’s wetness. I am very grateful she has agreed to train me so that one day I may be worthy of her. When she excepted me as her slut and slave I thought only of the pleasures I could bring her and punishment I deserve and would receive from her. I don’t deserve her. She is too beautiful to put into words but I will try. Her hair flows brown like a sea of beauty. I hope one day I will get to feel it and smell it. Her eyes are pools of shimmering glass, which I hope that she will use to look at me with worthiness, instead of the worthlessness that I deserve as her dirt. Her breasts are gods gift to the worthy world, which I am not part of. I was once lucky enough to feel them but did so wrongly. I hope one day to be worth enough to suck on them and feel them again. I can only dream that I would one day get to have a titty fuck as a reward for pleasing her. I dream one day to have her beautiful lips around the head of her cock as a reward for pleasing her in some way. I would at least dream of the chance to kiss her beautiful lips but I know I may never be worthy. My greatest dream is to one day be able to place her puny cock in to her sweet wetness that I am not worthy of. I hope to taste her wetness one day. That for her pleasure she would sit on my face so that I may taste and pleasure her until she has been pleasured into unconsciousness. She deserves everything and more of what she has. She deserves better then me. My Princess only deserves perfection and that is what I will strive for. I am not worthy to be her slave and am the luckiest animal o this earth to be given the gift of her punishment. I am Fully devoted to My Princess Jennifer.

'09 bby!

I feel a bit hyper today. I did have a venti Mocha Frapp...so...lol. Ugh. School Starts back up again on Monday. I have like millions of goals to finish by 2010! Mainly by May...for school. Lol. Let's see.

Things to do in '09:
-Job
-License/Battery in Car
-CNA Degree
-AA Degree
-Senior Project
-Graduate High school
-Save up to put down on a house :)($10,000)
-WSU Application
-SATs
-new laptop, this one sucks
-continue my sewing, but moree often
-Be in a play. :)
-Prom! <3
-Spring Break Getaway!!! <3
-Scrap that book!

There's tonz more...but i can't think.
Suppa soak dat hoe.