I shouldn't have to feel this way

I'm frustrated and hurt. Last night's movement left me hung up and I'm the one that suppose to feel guilty. It's all messed up. A mere joke that went astray. My humor was off mark, and I was being punished by it in the worst possible ways. The support blocks of my future are crumbling at the foundation. Imagine how it feels to step on shaky grounds. To be misunderstood and in the wrong all the time. I don't want to live in a life that is so strict and serious. Where I'm held down by a rigid thumb, pushed up tight with stuffy commands of what is right and wrong. Who made him king? Why does he get all the say? Where does this petty biased behavior come from? Why does it have to come? It's so unfair. My heart has no room to beat. My mind has no room to think. God forbid, if I open my mouth to speak. I shouldn't have to feel this way. I cannot be controlled. I'm not a subject to his manipulation. My thoughts are not restricted or limited. I'm my own person. My own voice. I'm not weak nor powerless. I have the right to my own opinion. I have the right to live the way I want to. I have the right to tell my own jokes regardless of someone's feelings get hurt. It was not my intention to bash you.

High Horse

Days creep closer to my due date. I scroll through all the old blogs you wrote about our relationship. I can't help to feel so small. Your words about love were so strong. We had the world together, but I never saw it. My sweet naive mind had to crush everything. I believe we could have lasted if I put more effort into caring about us. "Where did we go wrong?" I could ask myself over and over, but finding the answer would simply be wasting time. Even though, I feel this strong lock on my heart when it comes to you. I'm head over heels deep into another relationship. Guilt fills my soul. Why does my mind reverse into the past when I'm....
The past is over. I can't change a thing. The hair of hope that I hang on to so tightly grips back around my throat. I can't breathe. I can't think. Love makes us blind. I can never see what's really going on here. A man that works day and night for a woman that hangs him high and dry. What more does she want? Why is she so two-faced about love? She believes so deeply into fairy tales, but can't see her own version exists. She gets everything she wants, and somehow still wants more. How can she get off her high horse when it's up so high? Falling would be the only answer. Trusting that she will be caught before she hits the bottom is her only fear. She can't trust.