Sleeping Beauty and Prince Cowboy

Once upon a time, there was a sophomore girl named Jennifer. She had this class called Tech Lit. It was your basic computer class. The girl lived her life as an emotional hopeless romantic. She wished everyday to fall in love. That very day she sat down next to a boy. She heard about this boy before. Her friends all tried to set her up with this boy. Her friends dated his friend. She only heard him in stories. All good things.

As each day went on, they shared class assignments and got lost in their own world filled of laughter. They started hanging out more and more at lunch. It was one day, when they were hanging out with his friends that one of them asked if they were dating. The girl replied a quick no as Leo nodded his head behind Jennifer. After lunch, Jennifer and Leo walked in the hallway. He turned to face Jennifer. "Will you be my girlfriend?" He proclaimed. "Sure..." Jennifer replied. "Sure? What does that even mean?!" He asked. "Yes, then." She answered.

Jennifer's next class was Math. It was where Hell took place. The devil himself as a classmate. Ryan Hubbs is what he called himself. His high sex appeal drew her in. His words melted her. She could've died if he wanted that, but he didn't want her for that. He wanted to trick and deceive her. He pulled her in to let her watch her world crumble around her. Two days later, she broke up with Leo, and fell for the devil's quest.

A week is all he needed to crush poor Jennifer's heart. He ran off with her affection and her untouched lips. She never heard from Leo again.

Three years later, Jennifer is sitting up in here room looking through her old journals. She comes across Leo's phone number and gets the the nerve to text it. It was about one in the morning, so she didn't expect a text back from the number that night. She went to bed full of wonder and memories as she drifted off to sleep. When morning sunshine peeked through her blinds, her eyes opened. Her ritual routine was to automatically check her phone for missed texts. To her surprise, the number texted her back confirming it was Leo and asked who it was. They immediately hit it off, getting to know each other all over again.

He invited her over to hang out at his place on the upcoming Saturday. As she drove over to his house, she got nervous with each block. When she turned onto his road, she called him up to make sure she didn't pass it. While she was talking to him, she passed his house and he told her to reverse up the whole block to his house. Which made her more nervous to drive backwards up the street, but she managed. Once she got to his house, he greeted her at her door with a giant hug. He looked the same as of three years ago. The first thing she noticed was his cowboy attire. He was everything she ever imagined. He was something different. He wore tight wranglers, worker's boots, a red flannel, and topped off with a cameo hat. He brought her around the bonfire and introduced his friends to me. There was four others. His friend, Tyler, remembered me from the past and told me how different I looked in a good way. He was way past drunk as he danced around the flames to the country music from the radio. Leo and Jennifer sat and stared at the fire, too shy to speak. He looked up at her smiling face and asked if she was bored yet. She shook her head and said it was better than being stuck at home. He smiled back.

About a half hour passed by. Leo stood up and said "Let me give you a tour of the house." She followed him into the dark garage into the house. He took her straight up the stairs to his room. That's when he looked back at her, and she caught the glisten in his green eyes. She always thought that his eyes were brown, but at that moment she grew more attraction to him. She almost buckled her knees to the discovery. He pulled her from the hallway into his arms to his room. He slid his arms around her and went in for a kiss. They backed up and he gently lowered to the bed. The grace blew her away. Everything about Leo was mind-boggling. His style, his voice, his eyes, and his hospitality. Laying there with him, made her feel so safe. It was probably his bulging biceps and his wash-board abs that made her feel that way. She already felt so comfortable while they laid and shared past memories. She never wanted the night to end. She attacked him with kisses, and he held her so tight.

The clock was about to strike midnight, and we all know what happens when it strikes midnight. Leo took her by the hand and led her out to her car. They held each other for the last time and ended it with a passionate kiss. "Take care, now." The soothing country voice was music to her ears. She hardly could get into her car, her knees melted so much. She drove off smiling.

To Be Continued...

Phil Bowman

What can I say...

Breath Taking, Literally.

It started out in a elevator in 2007. The connection was there way before we even knew each other. The facts are apparent. Reece is his cousin. Everyone can assume the saying, "If you can't him, go for his brother" or cousin in this instance. What is amazes me, is that I didn't even know they were related when I was attracted to him. I just saw him across the baseball field in that Misfits t-shirt, and baseball pants. He was official. I just wore a tight shirt and very short shorts. Pigtails and a cute smile. Seemed to work so I'm never complaining. That was the summer where our eyes met and never left each other. Where we talked during and after dinner for hours. Where our youth group went bowling and we just talked in the lobby. Where I was too gazed to get his number and he left the next morning for Spokane. I thought I would never see him again. That is until Convention came nine months later....

My intentions were fully on Reece. He saw that, and didn't care. Reece was a someone. He was busy in meetings and practices. That left us nobodies (Phil and I) alone to talk. While I was set on Reece, Phil was right there by my side waiting with me for Reece to get out of these meetings. We spent three long days together. On the last night, sparks finally flew between us and we shared our first kiss in the elevator. It couldn't just be anywhere. The security was watching. The elevator was the only place where two people were alone for a few heavenly seconds. It was right before we both got ready for the grand banquet. It was all I needed to be giddy all night. I rushed and got in my formal and redid my makeup. I wanted to look gorgeous and I wanted to see him again. I remember walking down the stairs and at the bottom there he was watching me. He was so handsome. He smiled. I got to the bottom and he handed me a flower. If we weren't watched I know he would have kissed me like no tomorrow. He then escorted me to the grand banquet like the perfect gentleman. Our tables weren't even close to each other. The whole time I tried to look him, but through the millions of heads I couldn't spot his. I waited outside the doors after the banquet for him. On the tables there were Hotwheels for the theme of the Convention, and to make up for us not going to the ice cream social he handed me a ice cream truck hotwheel. It was perfect. We headed toward the grand ball. We sat at tables, both too nervous to dance. I saw Reece and he asked me to slow dance. I took his hand and Phil didn't mind. He knew he was better than Reece.

The dance with Reece was not magical. I tried so hard to pull him close for a kiss. Our first kiss. He pulled away. I pulled again. "Jen, no. They are watching." Always the excuse. I tried again. He broke away from the dance and left. I never saw him again that night.

Phil took my hand and we danced. We danced until we got bored. We left to the elevators... He told me to meet him at the spot after we change back into casual. Around 2am we were all alone in a huge hotel. What do two lonely teens do after everyone else goes to bed? Exactly. We didn't go too far. We were in a hallway. We stayed out til the sun came up. The morning we never got to say goodbye. Everyone was rushing to check out. His goodbye was through text. I never knew when I was going to see him again.

We both went on with our lives. Having each other in the back of our minds.

Two weeks ago, He texted me. Right when he went through my mind, his text came up. He told me that he was coming down in two weeks for his sister's soccer game and that he wants to hang out with me to do all the cutesy couple stuff.

About a few days before he comes down, he had to take his dad's Harley out for a spin and get grounded. He still came down and I still got to see him. If you think sneaking around a hotel while he leaves every few minutes to check on his family as seeing him. He was grounded, and couldn't do much. Sure we snuck a few kisses here and there, a few "I missed you so much", a few embraces, a few "You've grown so much"... It only felt like I held on to him for a second.

He says he'll come down next month to make it up to me.

Next year, he said that while I'm up there for college, he will visit me almost everyday. That he is going to be the best boyfriend I ever had. That he only wants me. That I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen...

If he only knew...

I've become a pessimist about love.

If it all comes true... Then... I guess...

I'll thank God.

Let's Call Quits

I've been dragging my feet around for the past three months now. Well let me tell you.. My feet fucking hurt. They are torn up, bled out, and bruised black. It's time to put them back up on my pedestal. It's time to be taken care of again. There's no use getting through to you. You're a brick wall. Brick by boring brick. I've huffed. I've puffed. I've cried. I've begged. Nothing.

Enough is enough. You have lost this opportunity. There are mannyyy mannyyy boys just like you, and they are all knocking at my door. For weeks, I've been hiding in this bed not letting them in.

It's hard to say, but I've met someone. She understands my situation and we deeply care about each other. From the first day I met her, we've had this deep connection. I believe she can make me a better person. I like the fact that she is very spiritual and religious. I love the fact that she is just like Ellen Page and Avril. I love the fact that she makes jewelry too. I love that we don't need anything to entertain us to be together. We just need each other. I love that "energy" that we both know what we're thinking and it doesn't even need to be said. I can't wait to get to know her more.

Sigh... And she is a Taurus! A stubborn taurus. She took me to another dimension and it felt great. The bracelet she gave me still amazes me that it originally was just a wire. Thank you Jesus for telling me to walk across the room at that party to introduce myself and to spend the whole night at her side. Thank you for all you've done.

Here's to the future and what it will bring

Part of me will not give up on my precious Christian. I love him dearly. I miss everything about him. From his shaggy hair to his dirty toes. He will find his way back, I can feel it. We belong together. We were meant to be. Sure I screwed up, because I wasn't listening to my heart, to my Jesus and let the devil take over and make sins. I repent those sins.

The whole ordeal has left me dull. I no longer get horny. Any person who brings up sex, I get disgusted. It has left me with so much regret, that I don't even want to have sex with anyone. I don't enjoy flirting. Talking about it, just pisses me off really. Like right now, I'm starting to feel rage just thinking about sex. Smoking pot just makes it worst. The people that I smoke with try to get me in the sack. It pisses me off so much. Guys that hit on me, It's just annoying. It's plain ridiculous. Human beings are suppose to be sexual. Here I am, not. That pisses me off. Sex pisses me off. It's meaningless. No one truly cares anymore. They all just want to get laid. Feelings are no longer involved.

No one has made me cry during sex like Christian has. That sex has meaning. That sex has feeling. I truly care about him.

You can see the two parts of me in this blog.

Part one: Give up, Move on. Look at all the people that want you.

Part two: He's coming back. Just one more week. Those people don't care

Part one: He seems to be getting no where... This guy says he only wants you..

Part two: He said 110%, I can wait. That guy only wants me in bed

Part one: Jen, look at this guy... He's wayy hotter

Part two: Christian's eyess....

Part one: Stop crying

Part two: Can't stop crying

Part one: You miss him huh?

Part two: Yes! ALOT!

Part one: okay we'll wait

Part two: It's worth it.

Part one: better be.

Part two: I hope so too. Stop making me cry

Part one: Turn off the sad songs then

Part two: I can't, they understand what I'm going through

Part one: Then quit complaining

Part two: It's hard waiting this long

Part one: I know, Jen, I know....

Part two: Sigh...

I have never been great at arguments. I have never been great with getting my point across. When people attack me, I typically lose. When people confront me, I usually break down. I have never been great at all. I'm no angel. I'm no star. I'm just a human. Where do people get off verbally abusing someone. Suffocating me with their name-calling. Do they think I will give up? Because I won't.

I may break down, but I, Jennifer Lynn Olson, am NOT WEAK! I don't give up. I will never back down. Sure I might cry to some hurtful words, but it won't change my mind. You can't push me away to something I love. I will always come back. You can count on that. I don't care what people think of me. I'm me. I'm not trying to approve to any ones expectations.

To those who name-call over text: your a pussy.

Just thinking...

In the beginning of a relationship, the two people are sewn together. They go on with their relationship with those original stitches. Just like a favorite t-shirt the string gets worn into and weak. Each bump in the road makes the stitching unravel. Bump by bump the tear gets bigger. One can decide to let them unravel, or try to fix the stitching. The original stitch will never be there again, but perhaps new string, stronger string, can mend the tear. We know that the relationship will never be new and fresh like the first new day, but with the patchwork and worn in stiches the relationship fits like a favorite pair jeans. Comfortable and there for you, they bring out your best features, and hide your ugly ones, but they love you no matter what.

Fear Is Just a State of Mind

Jennifer Olson
Stress Management
7:30-9:50 Thursdays

I use humor as a defense most of the time. I laugh it off. What’s the point of getting so defensive over something that doesn’t really matter? Opinions of others are not my concern at this point of my life. I only have one life, and I’m not going to base it living up to someone’s standards. I could see myself using denial, repression and rationalization as another mechanisms, but mainly humor.

Dreams come off as wishful thinking. I find some dreams do come true, as in déjà-vu. Like today for example, I dreamt many months ago that I licked my friend’s phone. Who knows why? The dream took place at a different setting but the actions remained the same. I find this to be true with most dreams. Daydreams have a higher chance of becoming true. So yes, I do take a higher value in my dreams and the messages they say to me. Although, I may never fly, fall off that cliff, or get chased by that monster, but the message that lies beneath remains.

I think I have come into terms to accept all that there is. Perhaps a few weeks ago, I was still in the process of accepting a long hard break-up. The first time I thought I accepted it was a lie, because it repeated itself into denial, anger, bargaining, and withdrawal. I hope I have accepted it this time.

I use to think I was a victim of my mother’s punishment that I was always picked on by her. My brothers always seemed to get a lighter punishment and more leash, whereas I got more strict policies about going out on the town. There were always the clothing problems, the curfew, the being in public, who I was with, the checking up on, and so on. It took many years of growing up to realize that I wasn’t a victim, just well loved.

I’m big on worrying and feeling guilty. I think I have improved on becoming less on both, but I still worry about a suicidal friend, or being late to class. I feel guilty when I visit more often with one friend than with another. I try to keep a balance of the friends I spend time with and that puts me under much stress and pressure.

I believe that I semi-explode when I’m angry. Actually, I’m not really the angry type and it really depends on what and who I’m angry with. I explode on my brothers, just because I’m that comfortable showing my emotions to them, and that it’s mainly a game we play. I self-punish when I know I could have done better, such as grades, a social incident, or an opportunity. I suppress the anger between friends. I use sarcasm with anger in difficult, awkward situations such as public anger, or with strangers. I wouldn’t really say anger with that, more like annoyance. Improvement would be much needed in self-punishment. I think I put myself down harder than others do. I use to live by perfection and purity, but came to reality that it could never be accomplished. I still live in remorse with the past decisions I’ve made about my identity as an individual.

I really don’t have much anger to cope with. When I do, I usually write it out on my blog. It lifts somewhat the anger I feel. The rest could be driven out of me by heavy metal music, or letting it go on the dance floor. I have one friend in particular that we get out our anger in a healthy matter by yelling in a normal tone at each other. We’re not mad at each other, we just let out that anger others caused to each of us. It’s a strange way but I know my friend doesn’t mean a single word. Sometimes, I run it out. Emotions are helpful to get the creative artistic side to come out. I use to paint, and draw when I felt victimized. My great pieces came from strong emotions. I think that anger is a part of life, and that we shouldn’t completely ignore it, but put it into use.

My goals are all education and career related. I don’t really have a fear that’s holding me back per say, but I do have fears about how to come about them. I have the fear of growing up and being responsible for myself. I have the fear of going off to college, a big scary place of strangers. I have the fear of letting myself get out of control at the college and letting grades slip. I have fear of looking out my window and feeling all alone. My past fears were overcome by just believing in myself, and to just keep afloat. Fear is just a state of mind, and you can put the mind over matter.