Let's Call Quits

I've been dragging my feet around for the past three months now. Well let me tell you.. My feet fucking hurt. They are torn up, bled out, and bruised black. It's time to put them back up on my pedestal. It's time to be taken care of again. There's no use getting through to you. You're a brick wall. Brick by boring brick. I've huffed. I've puffed. I've cried. I've begged. Nothing.

Enough is enough. You have lost this opportunity. There are mannyyy mannyyy boys just like you, and they are all knocking at my door. For weeks, I've been hiding in this bed not letting them in.

It's hard to say, but I've met someone. She understands my situation and we deeply care about each other. From the first day I met her, we've had this deep connection. I believe she can make me a better person. I like the fact that she is very spiritual and religious. I love the fact that she is just like Ellen Page and Avril. I love the fact that she makes jewelry too. I love that we don't need anything to entertain us to be together. We just need each other. I love that "energy" that we both know what we're thinking and it doesn't even need to be said. I can't wait to get to know her more.

Sigh... And she is a Taurus! A stubborn taurus. She took me to another dimension and it felt great. The bracelet she gave me still amazes me that it originally was just a wire. Thank you Jesus for telling me to walk across the room at that party to introduce myself and to spend the whole night at her side. Thank you for all you've done.

Here's to the future and what it will bring

Part of me will not give up on my precious Christian. I love him dearly. I miss everything about him. From his shaggy hair to his dirty toes. He will find his way back, I can feel it. We belong together. We were meant to be. Sure I screwed up, because I wasn't listening to my heart, to my Jesus and let the devil take over and make sins. I repent those sins.

The whole ordeal has left me dull. I no longer get horny. Any person who brings up sex, I get disgusted. It has left me with so much regret, that I don't even want to have sex with anyone. I don't enjoy flirting. Talking about it, just pisses me off really. Like right now, I'm starting to feel rage just thinking about sex. Smoking pot just makes it worst. The people that I smoke with try to get me in the sack. It pisses me off so much. Guys that hit on me, It's just annoying. It's plain ridiculous. Human beings are suppose to be sexual. Here I am, not. That pisses me off. Sex pisses me off. It's meaningless. No one truly cares anymore. They all just want to get laid. Feelings are no longer involved.

No one has made me cry during sex like Christian has. That sex has meaning. That sex has feeling. I truly care about him.

You can see the two parts of me in this blog.

Part one: Give up, Move on. Look at all the people that want you.

Part two: He's coming back. Just one more week. Those people don't care

Part one: He seems to be getting no where... This guy says he only wants you..

Part two: He said 110%, I can wait. That guy only wants me in bed

Part one: Jen, look at this guy... He's wayy hotter

Part two: Christian's eyess....

Part one: Stop crying

Part two: Can't stop crying

Part one: You miss him huh?

Part two: Yes! ALOT!

Part one: okay we'll wait

Part two: It's worth it.

Part one: better be.

Part two: I hope so too. Stop making me cry

Part one: Turn off the sad songs then

Part two: I can't, they understand what I'm going through

Part one: Then quit complaining

Part two: It's hard waiting this long

Part one: I know, Jen, I know....

Part two: Sigh...