He told me so.

Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you

And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".

And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"

And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realized you're all I ever wanted

And it's killin' me to be so far away.

Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?

Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so

I told you some day you come crawling back

and asking me to take you in

I told you so, but you had to go

Now I found somebody new

and you will never break my heart in two again".

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever

Would you get down on yours too and take my hand?

Would we get that old time feelin',

would we laugh and talk for hours

The way we did when our love first began?

Would you tell me that you'd missed me too

and that you'd been so lonely

And you waited for the day that I returned.

And we'd live in love forever

and that I'm your one and only

Or would you say the tables finally turned?

Would you say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so

I told you some day you come crawling back

and asking me to take you in

I told you so, but you have to go

Now I found somebody new

and you will never break my heart in two again".

"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

From the heart.

There's a few things I wish I didn't do. Cheat, Lie, and Steal.

I always seem to be the relationship where "I love you but I'm only in this until this girl I use to talk to talks to me again" That's all of my relationships, and only after they've broken up with me, for another girl, have I realized that they are talking to the girl they met before me. I guess I'm just the rebound girl. Well, this month I've cleaned my slate of all these guys I've talked to, and started with someone new. He use to follow me around in middle school and was just a very interesting boy. So I've found him on facebook, thanks to sarah for helping look. Been talking for about 3-4 days now. Exchanged numbers and continue to text throughout the day. I'm still not sure how I feel about him. I've talked to Sarah and Eleni and Eleni says he's alright. Which is alot from her. I am certainly anticipating his good morning text and our daily conversation.

Meanwhile, I'm very much in love with Christian. Tears will not stop falling. My heart is breaking this very moment talking about it. I really miss his tight embrace around me. and his soft lips upon mine. i can't do this anymore. deep breath. your fine, jennifer. just breath. He'll come around. just breath. that 8x10 doesn't help. I should put it down as the time being. breath. It's so much self control not to text him or drive by his house. It's too much just to drive past his work. i really can't take this. i don't want him to fall for someone else. I'm so stupid. I screwed up so much. I want it all back. I would do anything. i just had an out of the body experience. everything feels out of proportion. I feel taller and my arms feel so far away as i type. I'm getting dizzy when i look down at my hands typing, this is so fuckin weird. ahhh make it go away.

anyways, about a couple months into my relationship with christian i really had to fight myself to stay with him. I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't falling in love with him. When he told me he loved me, i didn't really feel the same way. I just lied to myself and said it back to him. Well if you lie to yourself so many times you start believing it. and that's prob why this is so hard to let go. and now I don't even know the truth. It hurts to see him liking another girl, or is that the jealousy speaking?

Confused.

Old Obsessions

Here I am, talking to the only person who I've cared about for as long as I've been bleeding every month. Seven Years if you didn't know. It's been about 6 months since I've seen him last and the last time I saw him, he was all cocky this, ignore me that. Plus his ex-girlfriend showed up on the last day, which made any possibilities fly right out the window. In about three days, I'll be in his dorm room. Alone. Just me and him. For two days. So many times I've come so close to kiss him are finally laid out right in front of me. This is the guy I used to write about as "drop, dead, gorgeous" and has the "prettiest eyes ever" I use to wear this necklace with a popcap with the middle attached. For some reason, that symbolized "sex". Anyways, I wrote his intials on it and wore for the longest time. I would write in my diary in huge letters that I loved him. In class instead of taking notes, I would writing his name over and over with hearts all around it. I even wrote a poem about him.

I don't know why I love you.

I don't know why I care

It might be your eyes

or maybe even your hair

I think this stupid thing called love

started when I met you

I saw your perfect smile

and eyes that were filled with blue

I think about you all the time

even when I'm not

In my thoughts and in my dreams

It's because your so damn hott

I love your light perplextion

and your glasses too

That's why I wrote this poem

to say I love you!

I've written so much about him, us, and how we are meant to be. All that high school girl dreams and wishes. He has invaded my thoughts, my dreams, and my wishes. He has affected me all these years. I still get butterflies when someone mentions his name. Much worse than that. My palms get sweaty, my throat tightens, I can hardly breath. And Now this! Us. Together. No interruptions. No rules. How can I handle such an event? I thought I was completly over him when I saw him six months ago. I'm still not sure. Part of me thinks that I need this to prove that I'm over him. Or whatever I do feel for him. Since I've had so many emotions for him. He's the only boy that makes me melt. Everyone knows my obsession with Reece. He's like my one and only. The one I dreamed to have my kids, my hand in marriage, to grow old with. I even thought he would take my virginity, but I couldn't wait that long. I actually saved the first dance for him. I actually did. For years, I never slow danced. I waited til he got the nerve to ask. He finally did, and next thing I knew I got swept away by his best friend. All's ruined. Point is: I need this, for my past and future. To close up all those feelings I had for him. It'd be a great ending to my fairytale to know I finally shared moments with him. Life and breath. To open up my new feelings with my new fairytale. No longer will I be tied down with these feelings of being taken from him. No longer will I wonder what if. No longer. No more. These two days are going to tell and show my future greatly. I hope he kisses as I dream.

*Sorry, Christian, If you had to read this. I hope you understand.