Old Obsessions

Here I am, talking to the only person who I've cared about for as long as I've been bleeding every month. Seven Years if you didn't know. It's been about 6 months since I've seen him last and the last time I saw him, he was all cocky this, ignore me that. Plus his ex-girlfriend showed up on the last day, which made any possibilities fly right out the window. In about three days, I'll be in his dorm room. Alone. Just me and him. For two days. So many times I've come so close to kiss him are finally laid out right in front of me. This is the guy I used to write about as "drop, dead, gorgeous" and has the "prettiest eyes ever" I use to wear this necklace with a popcap with the middle attached. For some reason, that symbolized "sex". Anyways, I wrote his intials on it and wore for the longest time. I would write in my diary in huge letters that I loved him. In class instead of taking notes, I would writing his name over and over with hearts all around it. I even wrote a poem about him.

I don't know why I love you.

I don't know why I care

It might be your eyes

or maybe even your hair

I think this stupid thing called love

started when I met you

I saw your perfect smile

and eyes that were filled with blue

I think about you all the time

even when I'm not

In my thoughts and in my dreams

It's because your so damn hott

I love your light perplextion

and your glasses too

That's why I wrote this poem

to say I love you!

I've written so much about him, us, and how we are meant to be. All that high school girl dreams and wishes. He has invaded my thoughts, my dreams, and my wishes. He has affected me all these years. I still get butterflies when someone mentions his name. Much worse than that. My palms get sweaty, my throat tightens, I can hardly breath. And Now this! Us. Together. No interruptions. No rules. How can I handle such an event? I thought I was completly over him when I saw him six months ago. I'm still not sure. Part of me thinks that I need this to prove that I'm over him. Or whatever I do feel for him. Since I've had so many emotions for him. He's the only boy that makes me melt. Everyone knows my obsession with Reece. He's like my one and only. The one I dreamed to have my kids, my hand in marriage, to grow old with. I even thought he would take my virginity, but I couldn't wait that long. I actually saved the first dance for him. I actually did. For years, I never slow danced. I waited til he got the nerve to ask. He finally did, and next thing I knew I got swept away by his best friend. All's ruined. Point is: I need this, for my past and future. To close up all those feelings I had for him. It'd be a great ending to my fairytale to know I finally shared moments with him. Life and breath. To open up my new feelings with my new fairytale. No longer will I be tied down with these feelings of being taken from him. No longer will I wonder what if. No longer. No more. These two days are going to tell and show my future greatly. I hope he kisses as I dream.

*Sorry, Christian, If you had to read this. I hope you understand.