I've gotta stop these feelings

They always appear when I start having a relationship. Deep down, I start to get to this feeling like there's and anchor holding down my heart. It drags me down. Even though, I'm happy to be with this person. They're my everything. So perfect. These feelings always get in the way. Before I just let them show, I let them see the real me. I'd just sit there, staring off into space. The room would feel so loud and empty. I imagine that if I just sit there, they'd go away eventually, but boys are so clueless and don't take the hint. They try to cheer me up, fix things, and stay. Which the matters worse. They go in for a hug, I pull away. They ask what's wrong, I ignore them. I hate these feelings. This won't happen again. I won't show him this side of me. I won't be depressed. Not this time.

Jessy Mendoza

There's always that one person throughout high school, where you pass them in the hallway all the time and you have this huge crush on them. Throughout High school, there was this boy named Jessy Mendoza. I would see him coming towards my direction and everything stopped working and rushed at the same time. We would always look at each other, but nothing more. I would always sit in the student services when I had an extra hour. His mom works the desk, so he would come in sometimes. He would look at me, but just continue with what he was doing. I didn't know what he thought of me. I just knew that he was the cutest thing in the world. A couple months ago, I was at CBC walking with my friends, and there he was walking towards my direction. My heart stopped. On Facebook, He was in my friend suggestions, and I added him. He added me within minutes and he started texting me. We finally shared our secrets that we had crushes on each other since high school. We were so in sync. On Tuesday after his work, he picked me up. It felt so natural. We'd stare into each other's eyes and kiss each other. He told me, How did you get to be so perfect? I told him, I could ask the same thing about you. We both thought where have you been all my life? He asked me to be his girlfriend, and for the first time in my life my answer was not sure. He answered my prayer below.

"Please pick me up. Keep my mind off this. Show me life can get better. I just want someone to turn to. To stop these tears, and begin the laughs. I want that old rush again. Crushes crush me. Hookups leave me cold. I want something pure. I want to call it my own. I want to be on your mind all the time. I want you to be on mine. I want you to be as caring as me. I want to look in those green/blue eyes and feel so safe. I want it to be elementary again. Where your smile plays in my head all day. I want you to blush whenever I tell you how cute I think you are. I want you to be there whenever I need you. I want you to want me. I want you to love me. Where holding my hand, satisfies your needs. I want your voice to be soothing as you sing me to sleep or as you tell me stories as I lay on your chest. I want you to make all the other girls jealous that I have you. I want you to call me gorgeous and cute. I want your kisses to be amazing that I never want to stop. I want you to be strong enough to tell me no when we go to far. I want you to be you. I'm not asking for much. Just for that one somebody. Whose into me as much as I'm into them."

Somebody,

Please pick me up. Keep my mind off this. Show me life can get better. I just want someone to turn to. To stop these tears, and begin the laughs. I want that old rush again. Crushes crush me. Hookups leave me cold. I want something pure. I want to call it my own. I want to be on your mind all the time. I want you to be on mine. I want you to be as caring as me. I want to look in those green/blue eyes and feel so safe. I want it to be elementary again. Where your smile plays in my head all day. I want you to blush whenever I tell you how cute I think you are. I want you to be there whenever I need you. I want you to want me. I want you to love me. Where holding my hand, satisfies your needs. I want your voice to be soothing as you sing me to sleep or as you tell me stories as I lay on your chest. I want you to make all the other girls jealous that I have you. I want you to call me gorgeous and cute. I want your kisses to be amazing that I never want to stop. I want you to be strong enough to tell me no when we go to far. I want you to be you. I want a country background in your life. Maybe that comes with a southern drawl? I'm not asking for much. Just for that one somebody. Whose into me as much as I'm into them.

Marijuana

Why am I so stuck on this day? I sit and replay every moment I could possibly remember. Soon enough, It all becomes a blur. The movements, the tears, the words. I can't even think right now.

Was i out of line? Did i say something way too honest to make you run and hide like a scared little boy?