I've gotta stop these feelings

They always appear when I start having a relationship. Deep down, I start to get to this feeling like there's and anchor holding down my heart. It drags me down. Even though, I'm happy to be with this person. They're my everything. So perfect. These feelings always get in the way. Before I just let them show, I let them see the real me. I'd just sit there, staring off into space. The room would feel so loud and empty. I imagine that if I just sit there, they'd go away eventually, but boys are so clueless and don't take the hint. They try to cheer me up, fix things, and stay. Which the matters worse. They go in for a hug, I pull away. They ask what's wrong, I ignore them. I hate these feelings. This won't happen again. I won't show him this side of me. I won't be depressed. Not this time.