waiting...

It's the third day into this month break and I can't stand it any longer.

He haunts my dreams, and invades my thoughts. Every night I go to sleep, I have this amazing dream with him in it. So amazing it feels real. I forget all this bullshit and were together. He's loving me and I'm loving him. Then I wake up and I cry. I go downstairs, drink a protein shake then workout. Watch TV till someone comes home. And then some moment I'm up in my room again crying. Everyone is trying to set me up with some guy and I don't want it. I don't want anyone else. I know exactly who I want. I don't want to get over him. He made me feel safe, wanted, and so comfortable.

I just can't do anything anymore. Everything reminds me of him. When I'm at a store, or anywhere, I look for him.

Shame on me for losing such a great guy. Shame on me for cheating on him. Shame on me for everything.

I have not put down your ring. I always look at it and pray.
Then praying leads me to crying, crying leads me to hating myself.

thoughts of killing myself still cross my mind.
....
i'm hopeless.
I hurt so much.