Tell Me Who Should I Be To Make You Love Me

While he was thrusting into me, emotions ran through me. The same emotions came through me when we first had sex. The emotion of this feels so right that it makes me cry. The first time I kept the tears in, because I didn't want him to think I was really weird, crying while I took his virginity. This time, I couldn't hold them in. I've cried so many times in front of him and this I couldn't hold on to. I couldn't control the emotions. I didn't want him to notice me cry, I tried so hard to keep it to myself. Shit, he saw. Louder cries. Now what? fuck, fuck fuck. "Are you okay?" I'm fine, it's just emotions. It's not just emotions. It's everything. He gets up. Fuck, What did I do? I'm so stupid. Ugh. I hate this. So angry at myself.

I stare into his eyes, and I know it's all my fault that we are what we are. How could I ever let that go and forgive myself. I have no idea what to do now. I can't get attached, but it just felt so right. Being there, holding him, holding me...

I know what my kisses meant, If I only knew what his meant...