If I'm so loved, then why do I still feel empty?

I tell myself time and time again to NOT feel this way. I hate the feeling where I'm questioning my motives, doubting my decisions, regretting my past. I desperately wish for a power switch. These thoughts NEED to GO AWAY! It's so frustrating and annoying to be constantly ran down by the same unanswered questions. What I'm doing with my life at the moment is none of my brain's concern. I'm trying to fucking live, and the little voice inside is fucking ruining it. That's not right, Jennifer. You should know better.
This relationship is driving me up the wall. All lies aside. Shannon is a psychotic bitch. She's easily angered, and will let you know by screaming top lung. The house has to be cleaned EVERY MOTHERFUCKING DAY and if it wasn't cleaned by her then it was cleaned wrong. She takes every word personally, which makes her mood swing faster than a baseball bat.
Chris is a slob. His teeth are never brushed. He never finishes his chores. His butt crack is always showing. If it isn't about him, he doesn't care.
But I'm in too deep now that I live with them.
Despite their major flaws, I still find them captivating.
The way Shannon's eyes glisten
They way Chris says "oh..."
How her foot finds mine in the morning
how safe I feel wrapped up in his arms
the softness of her lips
the burning of his eyes as he watches me sleep
her cute crooked smile
how nervous he makes me feel
how awkward all this is still
Dating for almost 3 months, and I still can't simply say a sentence to them
Scared and alone
How did I ever think it was okay to date a drug dealer?
and his wife?
and the three kids??