Why do creepy older dudes always txt me wanting to hang out? It's so creepy. I've already done that and the result was no good. Don't want to talk about it.

Hm... I'm testing this new mobile blog. I think it would be easier for me to write now. So yay. Let's see... So i've applied to a nursing home but i don't want To talk about that. I'm not sure what I want to start with... I've been getting alot questions about graduating and how it feels. Honestly it doesn't feel any Different. It just feels like regular summer vacation. I just hate repeating the same old q's. What are you doing afterwards? What's your major? Blah blah blah.

Nothing Important

I shouldn't even be thinking about the things I'm thinking about. I mean why should I? My life I pretty good, I think, but I still can't get that asshole out of my head. I don't understand what the hell my obsession is with this fucking jerk!!!! I don't know if I'm jealous or just pissed off on everything he does. Everything I am, he's taken and said he's been like that all along. Under his about for instance it says his interest is photography. Hellooo... that's been my forever. It also says he's different. If different is being a self-centered, know-it-all, ASSHOLE! Then sure is. It also says he acts like a 10-year old. NEVER in my life have I've seen that. All the years that I've known him, it was all about being professional. I was the 10-year old. It's bullshit! Gah.. I just want to beat the shit out of him. Seriously. Make him cry for all he's worth. Ruin his life as he did to mine. Memories fade with time.

Here we are!!

May 20th!!!

CNA Test Day!

okay, Here's how it went. I had to wake up around like 6-6:30am! Untypical for me. I usually get around 7. I get picked up by my lovely Chris, we go get coffee for the big day. I arrive at the school just in time at 7:30. I go into the testing room to take the written portion. It's starts at 8. It was pretty basic stuff. I few questions were BULLSHIT! cuz my nursing class didn't go over some material. Like WTF is a Bed Cradle?? and How to put on restraints??? Anyways..Besides those questions, I think I did very well. Mmhm. So after I'm done, I get to leave the room and go back to our classroom where we get to wait til the evaluators call your name. I got done with the written around 9 and they called me in at 12:40!!! That's so many hours to wait. I was one of the last people to test. Ugh. All my friends tested and then left. such support! So when I got called I went into a different class, where everything is set up. I get partnered with another classmate to be my client, and I get this boy from AM class who I don't know!!! The evaluator gives me a card with the list of skills I need to perform. I get Hand washing (everyone gets this skill), Pulse, Foot care, feeding, and Position on side. Hand washing, Pulse, and positioning were easy. On the feeding and foot care, I kept forgetting some steps! Like washing the client's hands beforehand, Sitting next to them while feeding, and providing privacy on foot care. But that's not much to miss. It's not like a missed a CRITICAL step. Well I have 14 days to figure out if I passed or not.

-Thoughts of the Journey of a nurse.

:)

Catch up.

It's been awhile.



Let's see....



For starters, I've met this wonderful boy, Christian. He's meets all my satisfying points of what I want in a relationship. :) He's Gorgeous. Perfect smile, Blue eyes. What more can I say. I'm in love. He puts me up on that pedestal my grandfolks have been saying for years. "Find that boy that puts you on a pedestal and treats you like the princess you are" Well.. that's very well what I've found. He gets me what I ever wanted and he's there for me. I sometimes feel like I'm taking him for granted, and I can't believe he feels that way. Pff. He treats me sooo nice. I don't ever want to loose him.



Okay, For school. I'm taking night classes. It's alright, but I wish my car was in working condition because then I could sleep in.. but yeah. On the 20th I have the CNA test to do! I'm sooo scared and nervous. I know that I'll pass. After that I can start working, getting $12/hour. nice huh? But that will take up my weekends. :( oh well It's good money!!! Also during that week, I'll have a Senior presentation to do. I need to get a lot of shit done. Mosty my depression and senior speech. and STUDY STUDY STUDY for the CNA test. YAHOOOOOOO!!!!



Life in general is going so-so. I went to the club for the first time this past friday. Didn't expect to be full of gangsters. I was a little scared. I felt so little and young. I think i'll wait a little while to go again. like a year. hahaha Also, I've gained like 20lbs. to some ppl that's nothing. But i'm already a tiny boned girl. so to me, it looks like i'm prego. I'll lose I'm not too worried. Let's see if i got any of my '09 things to do done....

-Job, still need that CNA license.

-License/Battery in Car, GOT MY LICENSE WOOO!!! still need battery.

-CNA Degree, THE 20TH!

-AA Degree, JUNE!!!

-Senior Project, THE 18TH!!!

-Graduate High school, JUNE 6th!!!

-Save up to put down on a house :)($10,000), SUMMER!

-WSU Application, SUMMER!

-SATs, SUMMER!

-new laptop, this one sucks, SUMMER!

-continue my sewing, but moree often, SUMMER!

-Be in a play. :) Too late a little.

-Prom! <3>

-Spring Break Getaway!!! <3>

-Scrap that book! SOON!

Twirp '09

I still can't believe what I did!

I met this guy one day going to Sean's house and have passed him a couple times after 8th hour. So at Twirp, he just so happens to be there, and of course, I have a tiny little crush on him. :) But I'm taken at this time so... Well Sean and I and the little group we had was dancing and I was up on Jamie who was right in front of David, the crush guy. So I decide to back up into Jamie which turned her around so that David was backing up into me. I grab his waist and pull him closer and I wrap around him and he holds my hand and entertines our fingers. Then I switch places and the moment gotta out of control. His hands around my waist pulling me closer and my arm behind his neck. All of sudden, I turn around still in this tight hug and we makeout! It's not like for one second like an "oops, I didn't know what I was thinking" OH nooo....It was practically for the entire song. Our group is like "oh my" and walk off. Some girl gets mad cuz she liked him. And just keep dancing and holding eachother so close. When the song ends he says "It seemed like you wanted that for the longest time." The next song, his hands were all over me. Grabbing this, squeezing that. We were basically having sex on the dance floor! It was soo intense. We didn't kiss again becuz of the whole I'm taken and that girl. But what we did instead was wayyy more than just some kiss. INTENSE! I don't think I'll ever forget Twirp 2009.

Questions For an Ex-lover

Did she sweep you off your feet?
Did she bring you to your knees?
Did she kiss just like you dreamed?
And do you still taste just like you seem?

Does she know that you like to dance?
I stopped in time
Does she make you laugh?

Did she pour your favorite drink?
Does she like the way you think?
Is this what you want?
Is she going to last?

Is it a one road to your door?
Do you love me anymore?
With my eyes closed
I can still see,
a time back when I meant to you
everything that you still mean to me.

And when she is around is it hard to breath?
Does she make you happy?
So you don’t want to leave?
And when you’re with her
Do you think of me?
Or have you forgotten
How it use to be
When it was you and me

Is it a long road to your door?
Do you love me anymore?
With my eyes closed
I can still see,
a time back when I meant to you
everything that you still mean to me.

I shouldn’t ask that
It’s just a bad habit
I shouldn’t ask that
Forgive me forgive me
I shouldn’t ask that
It’s just a bad habit
I shouldn’t ask that
For give me for give me

And It’s a long road to your door
When you don’t love me anymore
With my eyes closed
I can still see,
a time back when I meant to you
everything that you still mean to me.

Update of Life

Boys:

Reece- Okay, so since like January he hasn't spoken to me. Except tonight Rachel txted him with my phone and he txted back WTF! So we had like a 5 min conversation and then once I didn't have anymore questions to ask him, he stopped talking. Kinda Bogus. I even brought Nursing and that we started working in the homes today and that didn't even spark the slightest of interest. Anyways...

Roy-This one is going to be difficult. Last weekend for valentine's, actually I should start with this boy first.

Christian- Okay, So I added him on myspace like a weekend ago, and we just hit it off you know like staying up all night talking. So yeah That very next Wednesday he asks me out to dinner. (His parents were out of town so he could do whatever ya know...) So It was just a shocker, so I go out with him and It was a great evening. And he 's so sweet and cute and nerdy, right? The following days he drives me home nothing happened. The following Saturday is Valentine's Day. Out of all weeks... Jeez. So he takes me out again. I get into his car with chocolates on my seat. :) Walking around the the river, talking holding hands. Then he asks me out. so I say I'd love too! with stars in my eyes. Problem is...

Roy- I really really like Roy, but I didn't know he felt the same since he didn't say anything UNTIL that following Monday. He called me and we talked for 5 hours!!! And he knows the whole ordeal. then he totally surprises me with "What if Roy told Jennifer that We should be together?" It was just sooo cute. So...Ugh..

Juan- There's not much to say. I lead him on. Poor guy. He tried to hurt himself. Just yeah.. Poor poor guy. :/ I feel really bad about it.

Hayden-Out of luck... He's at the bottom of my list now. Yes I realize that he worked all day and can't get out of that. But he could have at least told me that it was late. So I didn't wait around alllll day. :/

School:

College- I'm doing horribly in Lit. The homework is just so boring as is the reading. Stage make-up is super fun! Love it!

Nursing- We just started Clinical. Which is where we go to nursing homes practicing our skills on real people instead of dummies. Out of all places, we got the Old timer's place first. It's really depressing. They walk around not knowing anything. Just following you around saying random memories. Like "You see that parking lot over there, It has lots of space" When there was no parking lot. :/ Tomorrow we will actually start doing skills on them. Like Feeding and Changing.

High School- Well...I need to start some scholarships. Letters of Recommendation. Another paper. Talk to my consular about next quarter and such.

Life:

Well I def need to get my license still. A job. Figure out which boy I REALLY want. and just yeah. finish all the above.

That's about all for now.

<3>

I wanna talk about how bomb I look

haha jk.





So I'm really txtually frustrated. Yes, txtually. I haven't heard from Reece in like days. or even a week. I don't know, I lost count. I've even cmmted him. I mean what the hell!!! I just wanted to know if he likes me or not. DAMN!

Anyone up for a heartbreak?

New status=Single and ready to mingle. hehe

Yeah, I still feel pretty beat up about it, but that's her fault that she doesn't want to be with someone as great as me. There's many many fish in the sea to wasting it on someone who doesn't even feel the same way. Also, I think the love of my life
thinks I'm psychotic since i've txted him on saturday saying that I need to know if he likes me or not, blah blah blah. right. and then again on monday saying will you just give me an answer blah blah blah. So now I don't know what to do. Rachel suggested that he's trying to be not so needy, cuz his ex told him he was. But the very fact is that I love needy ppl. To a point. But if it was the love of my life!! Helloooo. I would want him to be all over me. I don't want to txt him and tell him cuz I've already txted him too much. I hate that ppl start thinking your crazy becuz you just think about someone always, I mean I can't help it...

As I anticipated for that wretched city bus I thought back to a time when I was in love. I would not like to recall what I looked like only because I did not know who I was or what I pursued in, but i did know what i wanted and that was Reece.He stole my heart away that very moment he looked into my eyes. It wasn't out of attraction nor disgust. just as is. His eyes would always remind me of the beautiful spring midday skies. and I think how could someone make someone so beautiful? When he looks at me, for that moment everything seems to be okay, but i know reality is as twisted as my mind. For seven years now I've been in love with him. but does he care? I think he enjoys watching me struggle to get so close just so he can pull away. So many opportunities, and so many chances we had together wasted. I know that all the girls he dates are completely wrong for him, and in each of my relationships something is missing. I wouldn't wish to say that I'd only hope that he was happy in the end, only if the end was with me. I don't understand. He keeps repeating he wants to find that special someone, when in fact that special someone is right in front of him. Unless I'm so worthless that he wouldn't even consider me to be that person.

There's no way to word how perfect is. Even his flaws are perfect. If he had any. He not only stuns me and takes my breath away but whenever he looks my way, says my name, talks to me, does anything involving me I turn into complete slush. I feel really ugly and stupid around him. He's captivating, addicting, and brilliant. So many memories come to mind. One in particular when he begged and begged for me to let this gross guy walk me to the ball but I denied and said that if it was you I would. He asked if he could have the first slow dance. I was ecstatic and impatiently waited for that song. "I do cherish you" finally came on and i looked and looked but he was nowhere to be found. I got swept away by his best friend who was very grabby and his hands kept slipping on purpose. He walked in midsong with a face full of disappointment and so was I. My first slow dance was suppose to be with him and got ruined. Now he's just some guy I slow danced with. But that dance, my dreams came true in the worst way possible. I tripped over his feet and soaked his shirt with my nervous palms. We looked away a lot. Trying to not make things awkward even though they already were. How can something be so embarrassing yet be the best moment in my life.

If I've ever got three wishes, or even one wish. He'd of course be in one. Not saying that I'm completly obsessed over him, because it's not like that at all. The very thought of losing him completely brings tears to my eyes, or even the thought of all this time wasted to find that he doesn't even care about me. Not even a fraction. My three wishes would probably be mainly about him 1. I wish that Reece was a taurus or a virgo. Why? He's aquarius and totally shows it and I completly hate that. 2. I wish that Reece would possibly even consider the fact that it's killing me to wait. 3. I wish I was his special someone.

It's really hard not to go a day without thinking about him or wonder if he's going to text me back. I try to keep busy with other guys passing in and out of my life, but he will always be the last person I'll think about right before I go to sleep.

Okay Okay.

Some Normal Facts:
Name:Jennifer
Birth date:April 26th
Zodiac:Taurus
Eye color:Blue Gray
Hair color:brown
Ht:5'2''
Wt: currently 118
before the holidays:110
Four years ago:135
Lowest it's been:105
Where I want it:108
Birthmarks: cow shaped on my left upper leg, red dot on my bottom right lip.
Freckles: guessing about 25,000!
Boys I Like a lot: Hayden and Reece
Boys I've seen which we only say hi, look my way, smile, or whatnot:Luke, Tien, Izaiah, Marcus, My Ex's brother, can't think...
I have a tiny crush on my best friend, but she's straight. :/

Favorites:
Colors:Bright! and black
Music:techno and screamo/emo
Movies:edward scissorhands, classic chick flicks like 10 things I hate about you, never been kissed, Romy and Michelle's blahblahblah...
Hobbies I suppose:painting, playing the piano horribly, doodling, singing, dancing horribly, cooking, cleaning, knitting, sewing, scrapbooking, photography, modeling, shopping, writing, friends, making out, flirting, giving presentations, beating up ppl, gettin krazy, spinning in circles, blowing bubbles, talking to myself, walking around, acting like I'm 5, hugging, learning about random interesting things

Turn on the light
Blue eyes/green eyes, sweet, cute, dark hair, confident, smart, witty, cleaver, strong at times I mean I hope he can open the jar of pickles for me, dorky..Nerds!

What I don't care for
Potheads, drug addicts includes alcohol, dumbasses, smelly ppl, gross conversations as in shit, farting, anal things..blahblahblah, gangsters, preps, extremely goth, old ppl, creepsters.

Biggest turn on:
Playing the piano very well! I could marry them that instant!!
or the are complete nerd status hahaha
oh godd...I will never forget this gorgeous nerd, but I never got the chance to talk to him...I was on his graduation...but I was too shy at the time. You know the type...Glasses, cute little geeky laugh, sigh...

I'm not big on politics..
Or History.

I love drama and art!
Majoring is Nursing...I know it's an off topic, since I love the arts soo much, but i do like money

<3 Jennifer

Just Friends.

ugh...like i said "he loves me", "he hates me"...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've been crushed again. Not so severe as the last time I've been crushed, but quite significant. For the past three days, I've been controlling him like he wanted and we had a bet going today that whoever touches is the winner's slave. Of course, he lost, but I wasn't in the mood to push him around. So He's like do you want this or not. My biggest fear is that if i say that I don't want to be his Domme that he will stop txting me. I know, I know. Obsessive, but it's true. I mean I would hate to feel that he only started talking to me becuz he had a feeling that I would maybe do anything for him. Which is true. I mean for god sake's I told him to gag himself, take 6 enemas or more, welt himself a bijillion times, and verbally abused him. Which I would never do to anyone. The crazy things you do for love.


So now where am I? Exactly where I started, except now I know the deepest secret anyone could tell. I finally got in the mood to push him around and half way through the punishment, he gave quits. Not becuz of the pain, but becuz he felt so wrong. And I swear I didn't say anything wrong. Now he's broken and I'm crushed. And were just friends.

My god! This brought tears of joy to my eyes!!!

Ok It's difficult to explain. All day I've been talking to the boy that owns my heart. Well The boy that will always have a place in my heart. He revealed a very serious secret. Which mostly you can tell what it is in the next paragraph. Of course, I was freaked out a little by it. But as he has a place I could not deny him and agreed to be his domme. full time. And was aware what that brings. I would have full control of his life, practically. And I have to punish him everytime he doesn't follow my orders, or does something that I didn't tell him to do. The punishments include spanking, whips, nipple clamps, exercising naked, and ass fucking... Well as for a punishment I made him write a 500 word devotion to me. and here it is:

I am devoted fully to My Princess Jennifer. I am not worth to be her slave and am the luckiest animal on this earth to be accepted by her. I am a dirty filthy animal who doesn’t deserve anything. I don’t even deserve a name or a body. She owns my body. The most pathetic part of which is her cock. It is a hairless and pathetic cock that a little boy would be ashamed of. This only demonstrates My Princess’s generosity. I am filth. I do not deserve life. My life is hers. I exist only to please my Princess and to be used as her toy and slave. My dream is to one day be able to please my princess with her cock, but I am not worthy and will not be without devoted service of a ling time. I do pray that she will allow me to use my mouth to please her before that though. I dream of tasting my Princess’s wetness. I am very grateful she has agreed to train me so that one day I may be worthy of her. When she excepted me as her slut and slave I thought only of the pleasures I could bring her and punishment I deserve and would receive from her. I don’t deserve her. She is too beautiful to put into words but I will try. Her hair flows brown like a sea of beauty. I hope one day I will get to feel it and smell it. Her eyes are pools of shimmering glass, which I hope that she will use to look at me with worthiness, instead of the worthlessness that I deserve as her dirt. Her breasts are gods gift to the worthy world, which I am not part of. I was once lucky enough to feel them but did so wrongly. I hope one day to be worth enough to suck on them and feel them again. I can only dream that I would one day get to have a titty fuck as a reward for pleasing her. I dream one day to have her beautiful lips around the head of her cock as a reward for pleasing her in some way. I would at least dream of the chance to kiss her beautiful lips but I know I may never be worthy. My greatest dream is to one day be able to place her puny cock in to her sweet wetness that I am not worthy of. I hope to taste her wetness one day. That for her pleasure she would sit on my face so that I may taste and pleasure her until she has been pleasured into unconsciousness. She deserves everything and more of what she has. She deserves better then me. My Princess only deserves perfection and that is what I will strive for. I am not worthy to be her slave and am the luckiest animal o this earth to be given the gift of her punishment. I am Fully devoted to My Princess Jennifer.

'09 bby!

I feel a bit hyper today. I did have a venti Mocha Frapp...so...lol. Ugh. School Starts back up again on Monday. I have like millions of goals to finish by 2010! Mainly by May...for school. Lol. Let's see.

Things to do in '09:
-Job
-License/Battery in Car
-CNA Degree
-AA Degree
-Senior Project
-Graduate High school
-Save up to put down on a house :)($10,000)
-WSU Application
-SATs
-new laptop, this one sucks
-continue my sewing, but moree often
-Be in a play. :)
-Prom! <3
-Spring Break Getaway!!! <3
-Scrap that book!

There's tonz more...but i can't think.
Suppa soak dat hoe.

Gahh...I don't know what to say.

gasp! it's almost bedtime. haha rightt... 

I was really lame today. Woke up around 10am from the sun. Ugh. and basically was in my room all day. on the Internet... hahaha. I'm not addicted. It's just there's nothing better to do. I can't go anywhere. haha. I feel so lameee. 

Next Monday, winter quarter starts in college and one of my classes is stage makeup! I'm so excited! I can't believe that through tout my high school years, drama was considered weird, but when I'm a senior...It seems like everyone is in it. Or maybe I'm just weird like drama ppl and I haven't noticed that I attract the Drama ppl to be my friends. haha. I really wanted to take a drama class too! I just never found time. and since Speech class last spring made me so much more comfortable about talking in general...I think I would be really good at it. I'm hyper all the time. But stage makeup!! OMG! I'm excitedddd!!!  You have no idea. haha 

Tomorrow is new year's eve. ugh.. Family coming over...playing games...It's always the same. and I've already scared off my cousins about coming out. So i'll be alone in a corner. Wahhh. I've tried inviting my friends over, but let's face it who would want to entertain me when they have parties to go to, right? hahah 

This entry is pretty lame. I just had a feeling of writing. I mean typing. Since no one is on. I'm waiting for a reply that's nvrr coming. ugh. I should juust go watch a movie or something.

I'll just be sitting here waiting for my prince charming to show up. 

chump change!

it's all rubbish!!! 

It's official, I've gone temporary insane. 

He'll always have a place in my heart.

Don't you hate when your listening to sad love songs and tons of memories flash in your head and butterflies rush and your throat tightens and you start missing someone. I do it alot. I almost start crying because I miss those moments with them. I'm currently listening to This year's love by David Gray. haha It makes me want to be that girl in The girl next door. the best part of that movie. Who doesn't want to be swept off their feet? i don't want to name names, but I've been thinking a lot lately about this boy I've had a crush for seven years...or more. He lives 200 miles away and confuses me. he likes me, he hates me. ugh.. We met in thing called Demolay. I don't want to get started on what that is. while it was thriving I would get to seem at least 4x a year. I think everyone knew I liked him haha. it was pretty obvious. and there was a few incidents where we were finally alone and got to hold handsss. hahaha. Even this one time I broke the rules and slept in the boys room with him. oh boy were the adults mad. haha. no we didn't do anything. but how I wisheddd. Lol. I was still a virgin so you could imagine what I was thinking. 

Out of the blue, months after this fight we had, he txted me! Now I was all good in my life. you know steady relationship, school was somewhat good. it was all up and up. but no....he had to txt me right then and all those feelings came back to me. I got all smiles and hearts in my eyes..ugh. How can someone make me turn into goo from just saying "Hi"?!?  Now I can't stop thinking about him....I know I'm lame. 

What love makes you do. 

makes you blind

makes you weak

makes you insane

even kills you

it's a powerful thing. 

And I hate it, It feels so good, but always hurts the worst in the end. 

If he only knew how much I care about him, and how much he means to me. That I know that every girl he goes out with, is wrong for him, but in the end I hope he is happy. 

and every relationship i have, something is still missing. 

He'll always have a place in my heart. 

--Jennifer

Finally.

I've finally got the nerve to start my own blog. Woo.... hahaha. I'm just the typical teenage girl. Strives perfection in school, yet has those peer pressures to deal with. some highlights: I went to Disneyland for Christmas :), just recently moved back with my mom. I'm a stubborn seventeen year old. who has four more months of enjoying being a kid. I don't want to grow up. same time I do. 

School: Frustrating. I'm in running start, college in high school. I took FOUR classes last quarter. Plus I'm in Nursing class at Tri-Tech. and I moved to my Dad's and yeah it was ugly. Really horrible grades. Actually failed a class. First time ever! It's really horrible. lol. plus I was late on my senior picture, so it's not in the year book. didn't order my cap and gown, and didn't even start on my graduating project. I tend to procastinate. more than just school. I havn't gotton my license yet. Even tho, I did the classes and have a car. I've nvr had a job. Babysitting doen't count. I'm a failure. I'm not very motivated. 

I'm very lovve crazy. I'm in a relationship right now. I use to see her everyday when I was at my Dad's, now I only get to see her on my mother's terms. Which is pretty much like once a month. oh yes, I'm bi. My mother doesn't approve, but she'll have to get use to it.  Becuz I'm planing on dating more than one girl. Lol. They are just so understanding. and other things. But i rather not say. lol. I hope it doesn't scare off this one boy I will always like, who seems to very opinionated. sigh...

ughh....I have so many things to complain about, but that will be another time. 

so long.